


Falling Down in Desperation

by JustcallmeStar



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, ITS NOT FINISHED, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Kara Danvers, Scars, i dont know where its going, what is happening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:35:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustcallmeStar/pseuds/JustcallmeStar
Summary: When the moment passes, she immediately misses it with ardent desperation. She chases it down with another shot.That's when she realizes just how fast she's spiraling, and she has no idea how to ask for help.How do you forget when everything reminds you?
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this is going, or even if I'm going to finish it, but the plot bunny has been here for a while and there's literally nothing else to do

The smell was always the first thing she noticed. The dissefectant, the sterile atmosphere. It clung to her skin, filled her nostrils, took root in her brain. It made her feel cold, sick. Meant to heal, yet constantly causing pain. Horrible secrets, constantly picked at, causing scars, then just opened and opened again, leaving a young Kryptonian bleeding, bleeding everything. Fear, pain, ugliness, draining out of her body just as quickly as blood. 

She tried to move, even though she knew she couldn't. The drugs in her system were too potent, too overpowering. Still, her mind struggled where her body couldn't, thrashing and fighting, ripping and screaming. Always screaming. Screaming at the smell, the blood, the drugs, the scars. Screaming at her for not stopping it, screaming at him for doing it. Just screaming.

That's when he showed up. When he knew the drugs were working, when he knew she couldn't move. That's always when he showed up.

She could only see his bright blue eyes over the surgical mask, his thick eyebrows. The corners of his mask crinkled, and she knew he was smiling. His gloved hand came into her vision, metal scalpel glinting in the artificial light. 

It pressed down on her chest, right over her heart, and she wanted to move, to react, but she couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. It broke her skin, then-

Then she woke up. She looked around, knowing that she was in her apartment, and it was either very late or very early. Her night shirt was plastered to her body, drenched in sweat.

That just makes her feel worse, because that was decades ago and she can't even sleep without clothes on because she can't look at herself. She can't without shaking, without getting dizzy and scared at the marks he left on her skin. She wants, more than almost anything, to forget everything about it, but she can't forget when its carved into her skin. 

That doesn't mean she doesn't try.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's late, but she knows the alien bar is open because....its a bar. It's not the one her and Alex go to, too many people know her there and she doesn't want to run into Alex, because she doesn't want the most important person in her life to see her at her worst.

Alex doesn't deserve that burden, she never did. She didn't deserve some broken alien teenager on her doorstep, someone she suddenly had to take care of.  
Kara doesn't want to add to that burden, despite the selfish reasons. She doesn't want to add to it because if she does, the pile crumble and Alex will finally realize she deserves better. And when Alex leaves, Kara's soul will go with her, along with her heart, and she'll just be a shell with super strength.

So she goes to an alien bar on the other side of the city, one she doesn't think Alex even knows about. It's much less human friendly, and much more violent. And Kara's in just enough self-hatred to want that right around now. 

It smells of smoke and blood, the combination unpleasant to her sensitive nose. She gets a few odd looks, but she's glad she changed into something much more suitable for this atmosphere. She's wearing a pair of tight fitted black jeans that are slung low on her hips, and a black T-shirt that's covered up with a leather jacket that matches her boots. Her glasses are on but her hair is down, and she thinks that the mix between Kara Danvers and Supergirl might be the long lost Kara-Zor-El. Overall it's a cliche look, but it grants her some interested eyes regardless.

She ignores them, they're not what she's here for. Instead she heads straight to bar, and orders whatever will get her drunk the fastest. And after a few drinks, she gets a moment of clarity. Just a moment, where she isn't thinking of her responsibilities, her burdens, and her head is floaty and light and she just exists. 

When the moment passes, she immediately misses it with ardent desperation. She chases it down with another shot. 

That's when she realizes just how fast she's spiraling, and she has no idea how to ask for help.


	2. 32 languages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara wakes up, and makes some discoveries in exactly what she did last night.

Kara wakes up in a bed that is not her own. Which immediately is 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 because 𝘰𝘩 𝘨𝘰𝘥 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦, and how the hell do you explain that when your boss asks why you're late?

𝘖𝘩, 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘔𝘴. 𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘰𝘯𝘦-𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘐'𝘮 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦.

Yea, no. She's thankful that her alien genes prevent her from having a hangover, but some sort of built in alarm clock would have been nice.

She starts looking for her phone, spots it sitting on a dresser next to the bed that looks vaguely familiar. When the blanket slips of because of her movements, she discovers she's still fully dressed minus her jacket and boots. Quickly getting up and retrieving her phone from the nightstand -𝘸𝘰𝘸, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵!- she catches sight of her boots sitting against the far wall, jacket folded neatly beside it.

It reminds her of someone, but she can't quite put her finger on who. She doesn't remember what the hell happened last night, the last foggy memory being getting drunk with a targarian and singing ancient lullabies that reminded her of home.

She starts roughly pulling her left boot on as she unlocks her phone, greeted by a picture of her SuperFamily as her phone background. It makes her smile, seeing Winn being faux offended while Alex says something to him -most likely a sarcastic quip- with J'onn giving crossing his arms at their antics in the back. Lena is standing off to the side and rolling her eyes with a smile on her face, and James is looking at something off camera. 

She switches to her right boot and checks her most recent calls. There's calls to five unknown numbers, (which gives a faint flashback to her great decision to begin prank calling people whilst hammered) and two missed calls to Alex, which say that she left one voicemail.

She quickly clicks on the option to listen to it, and her own drunk voice fills her ears. She's startled by the fact that she's not speaking English, but Kryptonian, though it makes sense considering she was drunk in an alien bar.

"𝘏𝘦-𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘹! 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘶𝘱? 𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘶𝘱?" Kara cringes at her own voice, she sounds whiny and childish. "𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘱-𝘴𝘱- 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶." A loud crash sounds in the background, followed by the sounds of angry yelling. "𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴' 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯' 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘥𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘰 '𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵."

Kara's eyebrows raise, surprised by her own cursing. She tries not to do it often because there are much better ways to express yourself, but apparently Drunk Kara doesn't care.

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 '𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧' 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘱, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸? 𝘉𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺, 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵?  
She drunkenly giggles. "𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵. 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶." Her voice raises, suddenly screaming into the phone, and Kara pulls it away from her ear. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘮𝘦? 𝘐 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌 𝘠𝘖𝘜!"

Kara really hopes Alex hasn't listened to this, it would be blackmail for years. She sits on the bed and ties her laces, pressing the phone between her shoulder and ear. "𝘐 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯."  
Almost immediately her hand slips and hits the floor, shocked by the drunken confession. She holds her breath and prays she doesn't say anything else.

"𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶." She closes her eyes and let's out her breath, cursing herself. "𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯' 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸." She sounds defeated now, no longer chirpy and giggly. "𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘦? 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴. 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯 𝘒𝘳𝘺𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘏𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳."

It sounds like Drunk her pulled the phone away for a second, but she can still hear the sounds of quiet sniffling. "𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦, 𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘹. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦." And abruptly, the voicemail ends. Kara just sits there for a second, shell shocked. She still doesn't remember any of this, but obviously it happened.

She takes a moment to gather herself, shoves her face into her hands and just breathes for a second. Okay. She looks a the time on the clock, notes that's it's Saturday (thank god she didn't miss work) but it's only 7:24. Alex sleeps in late on the weekends, she could sneak in and delete the voicemail from her phone before she even knows it's there.

But Alex sleeps light due to her DEO training, and Kara might wake her up, which would invoke questions, and Kara can't lie to Alex, at least not successfully. She scratches that plan, it's too risky.

Maybe she could go to Alex's and wake her up with breakfast, and while she was half asleep and stumbling towards the smell of food she could grab her phone and delete the voicemail. That ones also risky, but it's her best shot. She slips her jacket on and makes sure she has her wallet with everything in it, her phone, and all her clothes.

Just as she starts heading for the door, she hears footsteps coming in her direction. Kara is in awkward person already, and encountering a one night stand that you literally remember nothing about is an extremely awkward situation, so she's sure this will 𝘯𝘰𝘵 end well. She doesn't even remember their gender.

She briefly considers pretending she's asleep, but she's already dressed and that's a stupid idea anyway. So, she awkwardly stands there and waits for the door to open. With a steaming cup of coffee, in steps the very person she was thinking about (scheming about, really), Alex.

She's wearing an old pair of leggings and a soft, well worn red sweater. She looks like she's been up for a while which makes Kara panic, because 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴? The easy smile that Alex has dispels those concerns though because she is not 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 good at hiding her emotions.

She can't help but feel both panicked and relieved at the same time, because she did 𝘯𝘰𝘵 have a one night stand, but her plan has also burnt in flames. Apparently Alex only catches the relieved expression, and she chuckles as she hands Kara the cup of coffee, which the Kryptonian eagerly takes.

"You looked relieved. Who did you think I was?" She playfully questions as she leans against the doorway.  
Kara cringes and hides the bottom half of her face with her mug. "...a one night stand."

The redheads eyebrows raise, smirk growing wider. "Kara Danvers, golden girl, participating in sexual activities with a stranger. What would my mother think?"

"Please, never say 'sexual activites' again. And Eliza doesn't need to know 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 about my sex life. Nor do you."

𝘔𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦. She has had sex with a few people, both men and women, but if they don't back out at her scars (or get 𝘵𝘰𝘰 excited about them), they always end up asking about it. And it's not like she's gonna tell someone she just met her life story, considering she hasn't even told the people she cares about most. She usually just makes up a crappy excuse to leave or gives a lie, like 'a bad car accident'.

"Are you sure you're not just hiding some kinky secret?"  
The words are unexpected, and it surprises Kara so much that she immediately chokes on her coffee and watches it drip onto the carpeted floors.

"𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘹!" She screeches in horror. All the woman says is "Nice reaction. Very telling. I'm going to go get a towel."  
She dons that stupid, cocky smile and walks out, ignoring Kara's indignant protests. Cheeks still red, she sets the mug on the bedside dresser and looks around Alex's bedroom, wondering how she didn't recognize it before.

𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮, 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘴.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵.

𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

Alex steps back in with a blue towel, and they both drop onto their knees to start dabbing at the carpet.   
"Sooooo." Kara starts awkwardly, keeping her eyes trained on her hands "how did I end up in your bed?"  
Alex smiles. "You showed up at my apartment wasted. Just kept rambling, in like three different languages. I literally have no idea what you said. How many languages do you know, by the way?"

"32" Kara absently answers, thankful beyond relief that she didn't speak English. Based on that voicemail, she has an idea what she was rambling about. It's better that Alex didn't hear her drunken ramblings, but she still needs to delete that voicemail before Alex hears it.

"You know 32 languages?!" Startled by the outburst, Kara looks up and meets wide brown eyes. They have flecks of green in them, she's not sure if she noticed that before. "Y-yeah, I mean only like, 12 of them are spoken on Earth but I visited a lot of planets as a child. It's considered rude to not know a planets language before visiting."

Alex's eyes are still wide, and her mouth is hanging open. After a second she closes it, and simply says "Sometimes I forget you're an alien. It's just so surreal." Kara looks back down at the towel. "I don't forget. I can't forget. Sometimes, I wish I could." She can't see Alex's face, but she can see her hand move across the towel to gently lay on Kara's own. She doesn't say anything, and the blonde is grateful for that.

Her hand feels soft, compared to Kara's rough, callused ones. She turns her palm up, and the redhead gently links their fingers, palms pressed together. Kara smiles, ever so slightly. The air feels thick, and Alex breaks it by moving her hand away. Kara misses the warmth, but instantly feels better when magical words are said. 

"I made enough breakfast for a six person family."

*******************************************************

Alex seems to understand that Kara doesn't want to talk about why she was so drunk, at least right now, so she doesn't question it and the blonde is thankful. 

Kara gets her chance to delete the voicemail halfway through her third plate of breakfast. Alex excuses herself to go to the bathroom, and the phone was on the counter. She quickly grabs it and sits back down in her seat. It's password protected, but Kara knows Alex well enough to guess it in two tries. (That doesn't mean she doesn't blush when her Earth Birthday is the password.)

She quickly finds all of Alex's voicemails. There's one from Eliza a few days ago, and one from Kara. She quickly deletes it and closes the app, relief rushing through her. 

"What're you doing on my phone?" She jumps in her chair, hand pressed against her chest. "Rao, you scared me!" Alex grabs the phone out of her hand and sits back down in front of her food. "Maybe you shouldn't have been snooping. You deserved it."

"Hey! I-yeah I guess you're right."

"I'm always right."

"You wish."

"Okay, miss I-speak-32-languages."

"I-uh-hmmph" She doesn't have a comeback for that one. She sits back in her chair, folds her arms over her chest, and pouts. Alex just laughs.

*******************************************************

"𝘞𝘪𝘯𝘯?"

"𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘹? 𝘏𝘰𝘸'𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳?"

"....."

"𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯?"

"𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭?"

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	3. A Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds some truths.

Alex is, in a single word, frustrated.

Something had felt 𝘰𝘧𝘧 about Kara's behavior in the past week, and she was determined to find out what. Because she had 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 a social life, she had been binge watching Netflix when Kara had called. It had been right in the middle of a very emotional moment (Alex had 𝘯𝘰𝘵 been crying, thank you very much) and the blaring ringtone had surprised her so much that her plate of food went toppling out of her hands due to her sudden jerky movements.

She had fought with the couch cushions to retrieve her remote and glanced at the caller i.d. before pausing the show and bending to pick up her food (and regretfully throw it away, she should really vacuum sometime) and missed the call. She hadn't been worried, if it was something serious Kara would call again.

She always did, since the moment she had first gotten a phone. Alex had waited, but the ringtone didn't sound out again. Worried, she picked up her phone and completely forgot about her show. Two notifications lit up the screen before she could hit the button.

1 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭.

1 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘭.

She quickly typed in her password and clicked on the notification, confused. Kara never left voicemails, said something about the flow of dialogue being much easier.

Alex disagreed.

Holding it up to her ear, she listened. She could pick up bits and pieces from her rudimentary knowledge of Kryptonese, but she could only pick up basic words like 'you' and 'love' that didn't help at all.

Kara had tried to teach her once, so she could talk to someone in her mother tongue, but then Jeremiah had died and they had stopped talking.

(Alex had stopped talking.)

When their friendship had finally gotten back on a stable foot they didn't talk about it, completely avoided talking about anything from that time period. Buried down the memories for both their sakes.

Buried late nights talking, sneaking up to the roof to watch the stars, buried afternoons spent doing homework and swapping stories, buried them at the beach leaning closer, closer until-

Kara was crying. It snapped her back to reality, listening to Kara's sniffling over the phone line. If she was already worried that only tripled it, concern coursing through her veins.

She was crying, and Alex briefly caught the word 'Krypton' before the voicemail ended. Standing up to put on some decent clothes, she set her phone on speaker on her dresser and listened again as she undressed.

Now that she was paying attention she could tell that Kara was drunk, what with the slurring and sudden mood swings. Kara never usually got exceedingly drunk, just enough to give her a buzz.

Alex had never seen her get 𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 drunk, so the fact that she was, 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 set her nerves on fire. Grabbing her keys and slipping her phone into her back pocket, she rushed out the door, ignoring the elevator in favor of the stairs. Who cared if she lived on the 7th floor?

There was only bar in the city that Kara could get drunk at, so she rushed there, determined to find out what was wrong.

Only one issue came up.

Kara wasn't there.

She asked M'gann, and a few of the regulars, but no one had seen her in a couple days. Where the hell was she?

The only way to find out was to track her phone. She didn't want to, because she knew Kara hated it, but she was out of options. On her way to her apartment she dialed the blonde's number, just to reach voicemail everytime without fail.

Which is, of course, exactly when she found Kara, depleting the need to track her phone. She was stumbling into Alex's apartment building, mumbling to herself. 

Quickly exiting her car, she ran to the blonde as fast as her legs would carry her. Which was pretty damn fast, if you asked her.

"Kara! Kara, are you all right?" She immediately grabbed the drunk girls right arm, slinging it over her shoulder like wounded agent. She could smell the alcohol on her breath, and some rather unpleasant odors on her clothes. Was that cigarette smoke?

She lead her into the building and towards the elevator as Kara started babbling. "Hey Alex! You foun' me. I knew you would. You're so smart." Alex rolled her eyes and pressed the button for her floor as Kara began rambling in another language, ignoring her slight blush.

Whatever language Kara was speaking wasn't one she recognized, and it didn't sound like anything on Earth. Alex wasn't multilingual, she only knew bits of Kryptonese from Kara and Spanish from high school, but she knew enough to recognize when Kara switched languages again, her voice becoming unnaturally deep and gravelly, much more than possible for a human.

It sounded low and rough, almost like she was growling. Try as she might, it made Alex blush. Which was totally inappropriate and 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨, but she couldn't stop her body's reactions.

𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘳.

When they finally got to her floor she was relieved, practically dragging Kara to her door and inserting the key. The movement jostled Kara and she almost fell on her face, somehow managing to lean against the doorway in the last second. 

Alex grumbled and pulled her in, locking the door behind her. "Kara, what is going on? You never get this drunk, especially not alone." Kara looked away, not quite able to meet her eyes. Gently, Alex's finger hooked under her chin and faced her back in her direction, gaze softer.

"Hey. Talk to me, I'm worried. We don't keep secrets, remember?" Kara nodded, but the action made her head hurt and she stumbled a little bit.

As always, Alex caught her.

Kara leaned her head against the redheads shoulder, closing her eyes. "Talk-talk in the morning? Please? My head hurts."

Alex sighed, gripping the blondes waist. "Okay. We'll talk in the morning. Let's get you to bed."

She walked Kara to the other side of the apartment. Her feet were dragging, but she was silent for the first time this evening. 

She falls asleep the second her back hits the mattress, light snoring filling the silence. Alex unlaces her boots and manages to lift Kara's upper body enough to take the jacket off (seriously, when did Kara start owning leather jackets?) and pulls the covers up over her.

Kara smiles slightly in her sleep and snuggles in deeper to the comforter. Alex sits on the edge of the bed for a second, watching her. After a moment she takes Kara's glasses off her face and sighs, blushing a blonde strand of hair away.

"What am I gonna do with you?"

If her back hurts from sleeping on the couch, she doesn't complain.

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She does fully intend on grilling Kara the next morning, only it becomes abundantly clear that the blonde doesn't remember anything from the night before.

She figures she can wait until breakfast is over and tries to forget about the feeling of her hand in Kara's. Only when she excuses herself to the bathroom, she returns to find Kara on her phone, foot tapping quickly.

Kara tries to brush it off and Alex let's her, but she has a feeling she knows exactly what Kara was doing on her phone. And sure enough, when she checks her messages, the voicemail is gone.

Clearly, Kara knew more than she was letting on. 

And Alex is gonna find out what.

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'Finding out what' takes a lot more time and effort then she anticipated. First she had to make Winn coach her through recovering the voicemail, which was honestly the easiest part. All she had to do was find her Deleted Messages and select the 'Recover Message' option while steadfastly ignoring the alarming amount of deleted messages from her mother.

Then she had to slowly feed the message into a translator at the DEO, which only made her temper rise because 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 drunk slurring Kryptonians were hard to understand. Which led to several frustrating hours, and several times she had to walk away in order to not break the machine.

Each time a new word comes out she writes it on a piece of paper and refuses to think about it until it's finished.

She can't do it all in one sitting though because she 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 have a job she needs to do. She almost gives up, but then she remembers Kara's crying and sniffling and immediately finds more motivation.

It's tedious, but she does eventually finish nearly a week later. Before she reads it, she heads out to the main console room to study Kara one last time, just to see if anything different is noticable.

Everything seems fine, she's chatting to Lena about some new device, and something the brunette says makes Kara laugh. Alex watches, just for a second, and when Lena turns her head, Kara's smile fades and she gets a look in her eye, something deep and painful.

It nearly knocks Alex off her feet and she thinks, just for a moment,

𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦?

*******************************************************

She slips back in to the work room unnoticed and reads the paper before she can convince herself not to.

And then she reads it again.

And again

And again.

And then all hell breaks loose.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me ideas for what to do next.  
> Also please tell me of any grammer mistakes I made.


End file.
